As my feet hit the dirt of the grounds outside the ranch, the enormity of my leaving really started to sink in. I ran faster to fight the feelings of despair. The cold morning air attempted to dry the tears that were streaming down my face.
I didn’t want to leave.
The symbolism of my running was not lost on me. That was exactly what I would be doing, running away from everything here. I didn’t know if that made me a hero or a coward.
About three minutes into my run, it felt like my heart was beating out of my chest in synch with my feet. I could have sworn I heard it pounding outside of me but soon realized it wasn’t my heart at all. It was the sound of footsteps pounding the pavement behind me.
I didn’t have to turn around. I knew it was him. I sped up. By the time he made his way to my side, it felt like I’d lost a race against time.
He could see the tears falling down my cheeks, the redness in my eyes. He must have known I was crying long before he ever showed up.
Sevin’s gray hood covered his head. His beautiful dark blue eyes were piercing from beneath it. He looked tormented, devastated…stunningly beautiful—a clear reminder of exactly why I’d been staying away from him.
He wasn’t saying anything. The faster I ran, the faster he would go to keep up with me. You’d think we were being chased by something when in fact the only thing we were running from was each other.
I was losing my breath. It felt like I was going to drop, and he sensed it.
He grabbed my arm, forcing me to a halt. “Fuck! Stop, Evangeline.”
Wrapping his hands around my cheeks, he pulled my face close to his. We were just inches apart and both gasping for air. The air that escaped his mouth and entered mine made me weaker and weaker. I wanted to consume each and every one of his breaths. This moment was different from all of the others we’d shared. The intensity in his eyes wasn’t anything like the focused stare he normally displayed when looking at me. It was wild, uninhibited and held no control at all.
Sensing that something was going to happen, I cried, “We can’t do this. We’ll go to hell, Sevin.”
He spoke over my lips, “Don’t you know I’d burn in hell for a single taste of you?”
That was the last thing he said before I felt my lips completely disappear into his mouth. If everything before this had been a controlled burn, then this was the explosion. Pulling him deeper into me, I opened for his tongue, letting him take full possession of my mouth. The heat of his kiss, the warmth of his body pressing into mine eclipsed all else around me. I could see nothing. Hear nothing. I could only feel him. Reaching up, I ran my fingers under his hood, grasping at his hair to pull him closer. It never seemed close enough. It wouldn’t ever be. Because I needed him inside of me. The way he swirled his tongue in hard and controlled movements inside my mouth mimicked what I knew he would do to other parts of me. I was throbbing between my legs, so incredibly wet with desire. My awakened body was ready to take on more. So much more. Knowing that I could never be satisfied until he was inside of me was a dangerous realization.
This was so dangerous.
When I attempted to pull back, Sevin spoke into my mouth, “Please don’t tell me to stop.”
It felt like I couldn’t stop, like nothing else mattered anymore. Maybe that was what happened when you finally surrendered fully to the person that was meant for you. Nothing else mattered. I lost any ability to speak when he started to kiss down my neck. My head was bent back as far as it could while he kissed, sucked and gently bit on the skin there.
We were in the middle of the desolate road with no sound but our breathing and the morning call of the birds. Suddenly, the sound of a car approaching ripped our bodies apart.
Panting, we moved to the side of the road as a sheriff’s deputy whizzed by us. It could have been someone who knew us. Worse, it could have been Daddy leaving early for work. That rarely happened, but it was possible.
We were both trying to catch our breath, still in shock, looking down at the concrete. When I looked up into his lust-filled eyes, it took all of the strength in me to move back and say, “Please don’t touch me again.”
“That will make it easier for you to go back to pretending I don’t exist?”
“You think that’s easy for me?”
“No, in fact, I think it’s impossible.”
“You’re right. The more I try, the harder it is.”
“You can physically stay away from me, Evangeline. Sure. You can even move hundreds of miles away. But can’t you see I’ll still be with you?” He patted his chest. “I’ll be right here…in your heart, in your dreams, under your skin. That’s how it’s always been for me with you. The more we’re apart, the more I long for you. Sometimes, the harder we fight something, the more it shows its power over us.”
“Please, just let me go.”
“I fucking wish I knew how. The only time I’ve ever prayed in my entire life was to ask God to show me how to let you go. But He’s not helping, because we aren’t meant to be apart.” He looked down at the ground, shaking his head in frustration. “Listen to me and listen good. You can stay away from me all you want, but please…please…don’t marry him. He’s not the one for you.”
“You don’t really know him.”
“He wants to trap you, make you be his fucking slave. You should hear the way he talks when you’re not around. Traditional roles bullshit, how once the two of you are married, you’re gonna just do whatever he says…fuck him whenever he wants…be barefoot and pregnant. I’ve been trying to warn you, but you won’t give me the opportunity to get you alone. I’ve been freaking the fuck out trying to talk to you about this. I wanted to kill him.”