“I’m so sorry.”
“What about the wedding?”
Her question felt like a bullet in my heart.
“What about it?”
“We have to postpone it. We’ll lose all that money.”
“Don’t worry about that stuff right now. It’s not important. You getting better is the only thing that matters.”
“What if I don’t ever get the feeling back?”
“You will. You will, Ellebell. You have to believe that.”
I really wanted to believe that too, but the truth was I had no clue how serious this was.
Over the next few days, Elle’s doctors ran a series of tests. A neurological assessment determined that her injury was what they called “complete,” which was more serious, often resulting in permanent paralysis. Elle’s MRI, CAT scans and X-rays also confirmed significant damage to her spinal cord.
It went without saying that my plans to break up with her were put on indefinite hold. Life in general was also put on hold as the entire family forged together.
Each day became about making Elle comfortable and helping her to feel safe. Evangeline and Emily cared for her every need after we brought Elle home. I played the part of the supportive boyfriend, holding her hand, telling her everything was going to be okay. Whatever it took, we had to do it. Elle was all that mattered for the time being.
At the same time, there was a massive disconnect developing between Evangeline and me. It was killing me. I knew she somehow felt responsible for what happened, even though she had nothing to do with Elle’s injury. Whatever guilt she held before the accident was ten times worse. She handled it by staying away from me and throwing all of her energy into helping Elle. I couldn’t say I blamed her, but it hurt like hell.
Even though I had accepted the new normal, I still hadn’t given up on us. As each day passed, it got harder and harder to believe that Evangeline and I would ever get back to the place we were, that she would ever come back fully to me. We were physically around each other all day, but she’d closed herself off.
We were all traumatized. The shock and sadness I felt toward Elle’s situation was the only thing keeping me from focusing solely on the heartache of Evangeline slipping away from me.
Over time, it started to feel like this was more of a permanent life change as opposed to a temporary rough patch. Caring for Elle got a little bit easier with each day, though. She started to go to physical therapy. They’d teach her ways to control her bladder and bowel function. An occupational therapist would come to the house to try to teach us how to make the environment more conducive to Elle’s disability. She’d also teach Elle ways to care for herself.
Elle’s doctor also put her on an anti-depressant. She’d been struggling with her emotions and the loss of the future that she envisioned for herself. The doctor had indicated that while some people with spinal cord injuries could get pregnant, that wouldn’t be an option in her case. Not being able to have children was by far the biggest blow, since she placed almost all of her self-worth on becoming a wife and mother someday.
Days turned into weeks. Imogene was eventually sent to live with another relative because the family couldn’t handle any additional responsibility besides caring for Elle.
Evangeline ended her courtship with Callum using the same excuse that I was going to pull on Elle before all of this happened; that she had a change of heart. Evangeline and I hadn’t talked about our situation. There seemed to be a silent understanding between us that it wasn’t the right time to focus on anything but Elle.
When I felt the rock hit my window one night, I could hardly believe it. Knowing that it could only be one person, I jumped out of bed, flew to the door and opened it.
Evangeline was standing there in her nightgown with tears pouring from her eyes. She looked like half angel, half witch with that gorgeous dark hair.
“I need you, Sevin.”
Pulling her close, I whispered, “I’ve been waiting for you to come back to me.” I buried my nose in her hair and took a deep breath in of her scent. “This has been so hard.”
She pressed her body into me, her soft breasts were plastered against my chest. “Don’t say anything, okay? I can’t handle talking about any of it. I just need you to make me forget for one night. Please. I’m begging you. Just make love to me hard like you’ve never made love to anyone before.”
“I’ve only ever made love to you.”
“I need to feel you tomorrow. And the next day. Please…”
I knew I could give her what she wanted, but the fact that she’d gone for weeks without so much as touching me to now wanting me to fuck her hard confused me.
“I’ll give you whatever you want, baby, as long as you stay the night. Don’t run away again.”
She didn’t make any promises as she walked past me. When we got to my room, Evangeline took my face in her hands and started kissing me like I was her last meal. My lips were hot and sore from the intensity of the suction. So starved for her, I wasted no time lifting her nightgown over her head. She had no bra or underwear on. So desperate to feel the inside of her again, my pants weren’t even all the way down when I lifted her over my cock. Her back was against the wall. We’d never done it standing up before.
“Fuck me hard,” she breathed. “Until it hurts.”
I didn’t understand where her sudden need for painful sex was coming from. It seemed like she was looking for it as some sort of punishment. Even though it turned me on beyond belief, something wasn’t sitting right with me. Too weak to resist her begging, I gave her everything she asked for.